We have received an e-mail informing us that we may not be eligible for consideration for staff with Crusade due to our student loan debt… information that I requested months ago, before we even finished applying and are just now getting from the person who’s reviewing our apps.

Color me a little frustrated, and sad.  This would have been totally ok, but a bummer, if we knew before we applied.  If the lady overseeing our application process had answered that email.  If we hadn’t had an amazing time confirming this desire and call to spend our time ministering to college students.  If, if, if.

Ben is finishing up his shift serving at Fat Cats.

I have to tell him that our dream will not happen for a long time.

Well, there’s always a chance.  And this chance is probably like at the end of Dumb & Dumber when Mary tells Lloyd that there’s a one in a million chance of them getting together, and Lloyd goes, “…So you’re telling me there’s a chance!”

Which means I have to tell my lover that there’s probably no chance for his dream right now.  For our dream.  And, I believe, God’s dream.

I’m banking on the fact that God’s dreams are bigger than mine.  God’s sovereignty is complete.  God’s plans are better than mine.  Jesus planned the next step, and he will show it to us.  And even if we must wait to proclaim Christ professionally, I will not stop doing it at all opportunities.

Yes, I am seeing amidst heartache that God could have a future for us in Cleveland.  I am seeing that I am in dire need of maturity, wisdom, and a planner.  I’m probably in need of less work, soon, and more worship.  And this is ok.

Not awesome, but ok.  And I’m not saying Jesus planned for us to be heartbroken.  No, Jesus is weeping with us… and I’m praying for some sweet respite, sometime soon.

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